What if I was never judged?

I wouldn’t be myself if I was never judged. The words sound like an oxymoron, but to me they are more truth than my past could ever give me. I have to go through dark, had to learn to laugh, but I see the love it was able to give me.

Judge at first sight

Judging: you and I are as guilty of it as everyone else around us. It’s pure logic, because in our society nowadays we have to have an opinion on everyone and everything. Shoes are well fashioned, hip or trash, depending on what some people, high-pitched in the fashion world, have to say about it. Hairstyles are only cool when everyone else, celebs in particular, pull them off. And a good heart is hard to be found nowadays.

First impressions are important, because our minds base our feelings for a certain person on the first thing it sees. It’s why I don’t believe in love at first sight. If we fall in love with someone the first time we see them, we surely fall in love with their looks, or the way they move, maybe the smile they give, gorgeous eyes but is this love? Isn’t love about the person in its entire field of life?

Love at first glance

Love is a strong feeling or affection and we can print that to be about someone’s looks, but then we all know this love won’t last. I guess we all had that date at the pool, bare and insecure, or woke up next to someone for the first time, where nothing can be hidden. My question is: is love at first sight possible?

You can, of course, like someone when you first meet them, there must be an intention for a date. This liking feeling, when you really get to know someone, can transform into a reason for love.

There is someone for everyone on our planet, I believe that. We are all unique and so all prefer different people. We judge others, seeing if they fit into our picture, whether we like them or not. We judge the looks, the cover of the books in the library, the picture on the DVD before we decide to buy. The way people talk and try to trust that feeling in our stomach as the right thing to feel.

Body and mind our one in this story. Our mind produces certain hormones when we see someone we like, it causes blushing cheeks, red ears, sweat in places you didn’t know you had and unstable nerves all over your body. Your mind let’s your body know that this is good, a ‘good’ person, someone you can like. But what does this say about the capability for a relationship or maybe even marriage. About how good this person will actually be for us? Can we actually trust them? Can we love them eventually?

I’m not saying you should dig deep into someone’s past when you go on the first date, but it can prevent a lot of drama. The more you know beforehand, the less stupid things you will do once you are completely drawn into someone else’s life, too by the hormones rushing through your veins.

Been bad or good?

Judging is a good thing, but it does not mean you actually have to say the things you feel about another person, out loud. Our mind helps us filtering out the good and the bad ones just a little; still don’t judge a book by its cover. But the other way around, it’s good to read the back story too before you start reading. A cover is made so you would open the book, it does not say a lot about the book itself.

To be honest, I am scared of love. Of people getting close; close enough to hurt me when they leave. I judge them, before they have a chance to prove themselves to me. Through the years I taught myself to let fears go, that today is today and that living comes with pain, unavoidably. Positivity gave me a way to accept that I need to learn to love and to let love in. On so many occasions my only wish was to be able to let someone love me, but a lack of patience always had me running out of the park; on my way to no-man’s land. Now, I recognise love and I acknowledge its consequences.

Curse

Always being well aware of the judgement that goes about around you can be a curse, but I found a way to use it as a blessing. Once you find that every single person does the same thing to its surroundings, it’s easier to block it, shut it out. Judging a pattern is just as bad as judge uniqueness, but I allow myself the protection. Trends fly over my head and I don’t feel the need to grab any to get along with. Even though this had some people thinking they could lock me out of their inner circle, no aware of what this would do to me. I started my own inner circle, which consisted of only me for quite a while. This is what it felt like to be judged, it hurt.

Looking back, there are always things you wish you’d done differently. Hoped life would stay the same, for things not to change; and they don’t, we do. Little by little, each and every outlaw wanted to join my life as an outcast. I didn’t belong in a single box, but I was happy with who I was and wanted to become. Judging was a thing of the past, where I would always be somewhere in between. Holding people to their value, remembering them that there was more worth to them than they thought possible.

Life now; I judge the world but keep my opinions to myself. I am surrounded by unique people, who have all be judged out of society. We keep each other happy, we work hard, we love and be kind. There is no such thing as a right to judge, to me, God is the only one allowed. I just live my life, don’t bother, don’t thumb down, just spread the positive effect of love. Which I am still scared of, but which I tolerate.

If I never was judged, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. And I like that person. So, don’t be afraid of pain; what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger, happier and more unique in your own way. Love!

Love, Stephanie Garland

{ Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not,

and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven. - Luke 6:27 }

"Judgement comes from experience and

experience comes from bad judgement."

~Simon Bolivar~